On Settling, settling, settling

Jerusalem

Routine is yet again setting in, bolstered by the fact that I'm grounded this week from going out at night (I decided not to go to volunteering one too many times). I'm not sure whether I need this time to reflect and actually write something, or whether I'm yearning for last week or the week before, where each day brought a different story and each night, as I lay in bed, I felt accomplished. I did nothing of my own volition today. We went on a tsiyur to the West Bank, but I didn't chart where we were going, look up the bus routes, and hop on an Egged. I didn't have to pack a backpack and hope I'd find somewhere I could set up my tent. We went to a beautiful place, really, it was a spring in the middle of the arid Judean mountains, but it didn't have the same feel as if I were there with a sense of adventure. It just felt like everyone was dragged out of bed an hour too early and attitudes reflected that. We got back in the early afternoon and I've been here since, practicing my Hebrew, listening to music, and wasting my time away.
   
Americanization

Aardvark has been assimilating with Year Course. There are some great people on that program (just as there is on Aardvark), but one thing I love about Aardvark is that it's so small that it doesn't make sense to always hang out with Aardvarkians. It gives incentive to meet people off the program. Year Course doesn't quite work that way. It's large enough that people seem contented to spend a year in Israel, with Americans, and as we hang out more and more with them, I feel less compelled to try to meet Israelis. That being said, I really do love the friends I've made on Year Course.

Time

My list of places to go on weekends has gotten a bit too long, and it's been a while since I've actually explored. Time is scarce. I keep forgetting that I'm on a program, and as much as I'd like to do whatever I please, I still have classes three days a week and volunteering four days. It's becoming compelling to live for the weekends, but then I feel I've mismanaged my time something equivalent to the income inequality of Mexico. So I'm left with the challenge of trying to enjoy my week, despite the metaphorical corral (or barbed wire, if you're talking about Israel).  It's too easy to get sucked into the laziness of apartment life. My computer is too convincing to pick up and browse. Tomorrow, I'm not going to touch my computer. It's a start, I guess. I would really love to delete my Facebook again. There was a different dynamic without my "internet personality". I only had to worry about myself, not "myself"— there are no edits to make in real life.

Space (of a personal sort)

They're watching me…(Hey, guys). I understand it's their responsibility to keep me safe, and out of trouble, but I think somewhere along the line, they were convinced that this was a personal issue, or at least things have become a bit personal. I have absolutely nothing against our madrichim, they're great people, fun, enjoyable, and well-intentioned; the fashion of being a subordinate just doesn't look great on me. I'm going to try a lot harder to restore trust and curb my impulsivity, even if it means drowning my personality with methylphenidate.

Ari and I completely re-did our room, and it's actually a livable space now. We have a rug, and a beautiful tapestry on the wall, and lots of art (including drawings by Ari). We have a desk and speakers and candles and incense and a trash can and a little bookshelf. The place is comfortable.

Isaac's was shut down. The machrichim found out about it, and since they've been reading my blog, undoubtedly know who's responsible. That whole thing was a bit shortsighted (a profound characteristic of the youth). Oops.

שלווה
   
I want a vacation (from vacation). Thank god I'm going to college in Colorado, where there are mountains to be climbed and skied, and not somewhere flat, somewhere normal, somewhere routine.

In lieu of whatever tone I may have conveyed amidst rambling, I'm somewhere around the happiest I've ever been. I would just like the opportunity to poke around the far reaches of emotion in this state. I think I'm going to add an extra couple hours to each day.


Falling Through A Field - Black Moth Super Rainbow